R.I.P. Baby

[xo Missi]

As many of you know, we took Baby on vacation to my mum's house with us. Everything was going just peachy and it seemed he really enjoyed himself. He really loved his grandma too. Well a turn of events happened Sunday morning about 15 minutes before we were to leave for the bus station. I was taking Baby's travel cage to the kitchen to clean it out and the bottom tray slid out and old veggies and poo fell from it. I asked my boyfriend to vacuum it up while I scrubbed the cage. He got the wrong vacuum and came out to get the dust buster. All the sudden we heart bone chilling screaming. I knew the dog had Baby, I have never ever heard him scream like that. EVER. I can't get the noise or picture out of my head. My boyfriend accidentially left the door open because the dog was following him. I ran to the room screaming. There was my dog looking up at me with Baby in her mouth. I got Baby out and he did not look good at all. He couldn't move his lil legs and there was blood on his chest. I cradled him scream to call a vet...it was a nightmare of craziness and my boyfriend, mum, and brother were chasing after me. I was going insane with pain and panic. I looked back down at him and his eye was half closed but I could still see his sweet lil tounge moving in his beak. I handed him to mum and just kinda stared at the phone mumbling, "call the vet......call...the vet." I took Baby back from my mum and his eyes were closed and his head and neck went limp when I took my hand away. He was gone. I sobbed and ran outside cradling him. His lil body went cold in my arms and I kept saying, "we have to bury him....we can't throw him away...we HAVE to bury him!" I grabbed a snow shovel and started digging. I couldn't do it and had my boyfriend do it while I held Baby's cold lil body and kissed him over and over. My boyfriend was silent in guilt. It wasn't his fault but he just kept repeating, "It's all my fault. I can't believe this happened. I can't believe it." I just couldn't look at Baby's body all that much though. We wrapped his body in a soft flower cloth and I set his favourite toy on top of him and we covered him up to lay to rest. It was like I was stuck in a terrible nightmare. It still feels that way a lil. This bird was my child. A huge part of my life. Like my mum said, there was never a parrot as loved as Baby was. I cried all the way to the bus station. I cried all the way on the bus ride to the airport. Finally I cried almost all of the plane ride home. Every thing I do reminds me of sweet, sweet lil Baby. He was so intertwined in my life. Every moment at home I would have him out with me. I would rush in the door after work or errands and grab him out of his cage and attack him with kisses. I would always bury my face in his neck and just breathe him in while he kissed my nose...oh how it would calm me down and relax me...and that sweet corny smelling birdy breath....I miss it sooo damn much. Part of my heart has died with Baby's passing. I know I will never love like that again...it's impossible to imagine.
As I sobbed in the plane my boyfriend comforted me and himself. He thought of the idea that Baby was our Angel. God sent him to us for as reason. He completed his mission and God took him back so he may bless another family for whatever reason and amount of time, but will always be our guardian angel looking over us. He will always live in our thoughts and heart. I couldn't believe my boyfriend thought that up. That is the most emotion I have ever seen him emit. Then I got this image of Baby perched on God's shoulder waiting for his next mission.

I love you Baby. You were my lil angel chicken and I will never EVER forget you. Thank you so much for blessing my life and I'm sorry we let this happen to you.

Sorry to be so very grim but I jsut needed to share this with you all.

[Dani03]

Oh my gosh Missi...what a terrible thing to happen hun. We're here for you sweetie...just let us know if there is anything we can do. Do not think that just because Baby is gone that you have to leave.

Remember that hearts heal! Time heals Missi...I have lost a lot of fids...it hurts something bad but guess what. There is always another baby out there that needs someone to love...and be loved.

*hugs*

Love
Dani

[xo Missi]

As a follow up, we have Baby's old cage....a cage the size for a macaw just sitting empty in our room. We had nowhere to store it so I told my boyfriend we either need to sell it or get another bird. Well I didn't want to rush getting another bird and I heavily thought about it. How would I feel? I obvioulsy could not compare.
I came to the conclusion that I needed another bird to share my love. It would not replace Baby but it would just be another baby to love. Joe and I went to The Aviary Monday to pick up our lil lovebird (sweet lil bugger!) we purchased (I told y'all about him). He obviously is much to small to put in Baby's old cage. We held a baby female eclectus. She was so calm and sweet....just taking us in with that eclectus stare. I fell in love with her but needed to think about it because I did not want to do anything on impulse. We went home and talked about it. Talked about the guilt we had for getting another parrot (the lil lovebird we paid for a week before we left for vacation. We made sure that we would never forget about Baby. We heavily researched eclectuses and felt like it would be the right thing. I called The Aviary today and paid for lil Jasmine, our lil 3 month old female eclectus. We pick her up Sunday. Baby will be her guardian angel as well.

I still plan on sticking around these forums, if you don't mind because I love you guys. The reason I did not plan on getting another irn is because I know I would see Baby in everytrhing it did and I think it would depress me. One day we willl have another one. These things just take time.

[xo Missi]

Oh my gosh Missi...what a terrible thing to happen hun. We're here for you sweetie...just let us know if there is anything we can do. Do not think that just because Baby is gone that you have to leave.

Remember that hearts heal! Time heals Missi...I have lost a lot of fids...it hurts something bad but guess what. There is always another baby out there that needs someone to love...and be loved.

*hugs*

Love
Dani

This is beautiful advice Dani, you always comfort me in your words! I do plan on sticking around. Now I can share the love of eclectuses with you as well.

[Dani03]

Missi you are family now...and don't go anywhere!

Good choice on the ekkie and if you need any advice come to me or Sue...we've both owned them.

*hugs*

Dani

[jen5239]

OMG Missi! I wish I lived close so I could run over and give you a huge hug and cry with you. Tears are streaming down my face and my heart is breaking for you and Baby. What a horrible thing to have experienced. It seems you know it was just a horrible accident and your dog didn't mean to hurt or kill Baby! Please tell your boyfriend things happen for a reason and not to beat himself up over this. It happened and we'll never know why but it did. I know from all your posts just how much you loved and were dedicated to Baby. I hope you're both doing ok. We're here for you! Please know my heart is broken for you and your Baby. Wish I could do more than just words. You're in my thoughts!

Hugs,
Jen

[Mikaela]

Missi:

I just read your post and I am very emotional right now so dont want to say to much. Just know I am here for you. I am hyper-sensitive to this and cant handle passings as well as I probably should be able to.

Baby is still here. And still there. I assume you will remain here too. You have become a part of our family... intertwined... once thats established, we have a hard time letting go.

Let us help you through this and remember, you belong here regardless. Better see ya everyday or we will come hunting you

You show pics, love, talk and share your new birdie (hopefully not named Baby hehe) just as any of us do our ringnecks. Any baby of yours is a baby of ours. And we want to see it grow up!

[xo Missi]

Hey girls, thank you so much for your support and love. It's hard to be here seeing all the lovely lil irn's and it tears at my heart and stomach to think about Baby again and see him in other's eyes and faces but this is just now. The third day with out him. I'm going to make him a memorial picture frame with my favourite pic of him in it (oh which one will I choose?!) and feathers on the picture between the frame glass...and all his name and alllll his nicknames written on the frame. Mum put flowers on his grave, my brother found a "yellow" rock and placed it on his grave. Mum took pics and will send them to me tonight.

I don't want to ever leave here because as much as it hurts, it is still so lovely to be surround by y'all's sweet lil irn's and you guys.

I will keep you all updated with the lovebird's progress. As well as the eclectus when I get her. I worry about the eclectus because I am not picking her up until Sunday. The Aviary better have good hurricane protection if Ernesto hits us here in Southwest Florida because I can not stomach to lose another baby. Please keep us in your prayers.

[surferdon]

tear i could seriously. That bird had a better life than some can get in a whole life time.

[Datsun and Family]

I really don't know what to say Missi... I am a complete mess, tears streaming down my face. I am doin the UGLY cry as Oprah would say. You loved Baby and he loved you.

I don't know what you are going through but I know how much I love my kids and I know you loved Baby just as much...

All my love, hugs and tears are with you hun. If you need anything or anyone to talk to I am here.

[goro]

im sorry for the loss. tell you boy friend its not his fault either it is a honest mistake. I had a irn who was an escape artist and escaped. If you need to talk to some1 we are all here. we are one big family. i couldn't log on for a while because of server error but if you need anything at all im here for you to. these birds become a part of you before you even realize just remember baby is a part of you and always will be. when you decide to get anther irn which i know you will you will not be replacing baby but honoring her as she was your gateway to these wonderful birds. with a heavy heart im feel your loss.
goro

[Mikaela]

I too had the ugly cry going on lol

Dani had to go through it with me.

Gotta get stronger about this issue. I cry as hard as if it were my baby.

[Dani03]

Its so hard to loose one of these guys...but you have our support Missi!

Keep us updated on the ekkie and when you find the time some pics would be great...always did want a female...

*hugs*

Dani

[xo Missi]

Good morning family! I survived Ernesto, just a bunch of rain and clouds is all!
I am feeling stronger today. Mum sent me pics of Baby's grave. I saved them from the email and put them in his pics folder. I forced myself to look through his pics. I found my favourites where his personality really shines through his eyes and the lil permanent smile on his beak. I cried, but it also calmed me. I'm still getting flashbacks of the tragedy, especially when I see pics I happened to snap of when his eyes were closed. I freaked out yesterday because I gave the lovebird his first bath and wrapped him up in a towel. He was so relaxed he closed his eyes and drooped his wings a lil. I paniced because it reminded me kind of Baby's dead body and I shoke him a lil. He popped up and started peeping like lovebirds do and I calmed down and decided I need to get a grip of myself.
As I lay here in bed (I got a half day off work due to Ernesto) and type, appreciating all the care I feel from everyones responces, our new lil lovebird sits nestled on my shoulder against the pillow. We went shopping last night for new toys for our eclectus we pick up Sunday. I cried in the toy aisle of Petsmart while looking at some toys that Baby would have enjoyed. However, I also felt exitment for being able to look at big bird toys and think about the ekkie enjoying them. Along with every though of the new birds, comes thoughts of Baby as well. It's just natural. It's what I do to keep him alive in my mind and heart. I think that's okay.

Well I've got to finish watching Ellen and get ready fo work since I go in at 1. I will read up on the rest of the forums posts (since it has been down I havn't had a chance to catch up yet, just check this one).
I'm quitting my second job too. More time for the boyfriend, fids, and my life!

Hope everyone has a lovely day!

[xo Missi]

Its so hard to loose one of these guys...but you have our support Missi!

Keep us updated on the ekkie and when you find the time some pics would be great...always did want a female...

*hugs*

Dani

Will do! I will post pics of the lil lovie and the ekkie Sunday most likely!

[kimtoo]

Missy--wow this is almost as hard to write as your heartbreaking story was to read

How does one even begin to offer comfort when something so tragic happens. You and your boyfriend are in my heart and my prayers and so is that sweet, sweet, Baby.

Losing our babies is inevitable, we know that when we open our hearts and our homes to them but noone expects to lose a fid so soon or in such a traumatic way. I am so sorry that you experienced what you did; I hope you will wrap your circle of friends tightly around yourself and let us help you work your way through the sadness and loss.

Sending you big comforting hugs, shared tears, and a dry shoulder...kim

[xo Missi]

Thank you soooooo, so verrrry much. All you guys' understanding, comfort, and *hugs* has really helped me cheer up. Baby's sweet memories are starting to shine through in my head, rather than his death breaking me down. I still have my moments where I break down and remember the tragedy and cry. Crying is good for me, I suppose.

You guys can't even begin to imagine know how much I appreciate you ALL.

[~*Gwennie*~]

oh missi I'm so sorry about losing baby

*hug* i was sobbing when I read what happened. I would miss you to death if you didn't stick around. I will definately miss baby stories and pictures. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers girl.

[LAAnnie]

So so sorry about baby! There's nothing I can say that will make you feel any better.

We never get over these things, we just have to get through them.

My bird seems to get on OK with my dog, but now I'm nervous!

Take care, dear.

[*MARIE*]

Missi If there is anything I can do ask .Ya'll have quickly become a second family to me and my fids.And dont even think of leaving us.This is where you belong

[Bird crazy]

Missi:

Read the header RIP Baby and saw your name and shut down the computer and went outside and cried. Took me several hours to get the
courage up to log back on and read this.

I'm so very sorry for the loss.

You are great parronts and your little love bird and new baby eclectus will help you both heal the hole that's left in your hearts.

Love ya and thinking of you with prayers for God's peace to comfort you.

Sue and Nila

[Donna]

Missi Sorry for your loss. We will put you in our prayers tonight. God Bless. Donna

[xo Missi]

Once again, thank you all so much for your sympathy and kindness.

I had another bad break down last night. It's still so soon. I just get rushes of the feeling and thoughts, "I just can't believe it. I just want to wake up from this nightmare." and then graphically remember what happened...what I saw and heard...and then the sweet memories flood my head and I ache with missing him and smelling and kissing him.

Most of the day I get by with the good memories and reminding myself that he's a lil angel. It helps me to stay busy too. But sometimes at the end of the day when I go back to the apartment where most of the memories origionated, it just brings me falling down.

I need to get busy and interact a ton with my new fids (can't wait to pic up the ekkie girl Sunday!) then I hope I will heal a lil more (but never forget my lil man). The lovebird is sweet. You just look at his silly tiny face and self and smile. Their antics warm the heart (well and ANNOY! lol) but I can't take him on walks like I did with Baby and I can't take him out. I am getting his wings clipped shorter Sunday. Since they are such small birds, though they can still fly a lil with clipped wings so no walks for him or going outside without being in a cage. Poor guy. I will love him and the ekkie alike but it will be nice getting back into the routine of taking the ekkie for a walk around the lake at the apartment when my boyfriend gets home from work like we did with Baby because I always looked forward to that.

[kimtoo]

Missi--what you went through was a horrible experience and one that I hope no one on this board ever shares. I want to thank you for bringing your experience and your feelings to the board. By sharing your experience, a lot of other fids are a little safer. We forget how easily something terrible can happen, even to the best of parronts. You know that we all ache right along with you with the full realization that we can't take you ache away, but the hope that we can somehow ease the pain a little bit by sharing in it.

Please continue to put yourself out there...the shortest way to get to the other side is to walk right through the middle.

lots of hugs
kim

[xo Missi]

Kim you put a smile on my face! Thanks for the uplifting words!

I swear I'm starting to feel bad from being so repetitive but THANK YOU ALL. You're amazing!
An added bonus is if this post helps someone else or saves a fid's life. But I do not want it to have made the parronts with dogs paranoid of their dogs that may get along with their fids. *sigh* I do have guilt with sharing the story.

I have sent my boyfriend the link to this post so he may read and possibly feel the comfort that I feel from all you amazing blessings *hugs* That's right, y'all are my lil blessings, darnit!

So now here I go...chin up to the rest of my day! I may visit back later this evening if I get down in the dumps again *sigh* Hope y'all have a great one as well!

[CarolinaWren]

((((Missi))))

OMG! i just read this & had to go out & have a smoke/get my wits about me before i could post a reply ... i'm sooooooo sorry for your loss, Missi.

ya know, i have 2 grown sons, 3 grandaughters, a hubby, 2 Chihuahuas, 1 cat, 1 IRN (Willie) ... and of course, now i have Max, the velcro bird ... when i lost Gina, i thought that i would just hurl ... i felt so empty ... then Scooter became ill & we lost him within a month of losing Gina ... i REALLY began to doubt if i'd feel better again ... wut an emptiness i felt in my heart ... but i have photos of Gina & Scooter around me & i know that their spirits are with me ... IMHO, we, who have so much love in our hearts to share with ALL creatures great & small, are truly rare & fortunately, i think alot of us are right HERE together ... i'm so grateful for all of you & i, too, wish i could give you a REAL hug, Missi.

we all share your pain, g/f.

BIG huggles,

Wren

[xo Missi]

Hey y'all, FYI my boyfriend read this thread and he reeeeally appreciates all the comfort and care as well. *hugs*

[Mikaela]

Wren... that was very sweet. I too hold this place very dear to my heart.

[jen5239]

Hey Missi,
Glad to read that things seem to be getting a tiny bit easier for you and your boyfriend. You just seem like the sweetest person and I could tell from your posts how in love with Baby you really were, so I'm glad you're getting another bird. So this bird will know that love. And I'd be sad too if you left our family. So just keep posting your lovie and ekkies antics for all of us to share. Deal??

Hugs,
Jen

[xo Missi]

Hey Missi,
Glad to read that things seem to be getting a tiny bit easier for you and your boyfriend. You just seem like the sweetest person and I could tell from your posts how in love with Baby you really were, so I'm glad you're getting another bird. So this bird will know that love. And I'd be sad too if you left our family. So just keep posting your lovie and ekkies antics for all of us to share. Deal??

Hugs,
Jen

Deal!! Annnnnd hugs. And I may even make one of those cute lil sig avs with my fid pics

[kimtoo]

missi---thinking about you this morning...enjoy your first day with your new fid

Can't wait to see pic's!

[Dani03]

Missi...update please! Would like to know all about the new girl...and pics

Dani

[jen5239]

Missi,
I'm sure you're far too busy to let us know how wonderful she is, but soon we hope you hop on and fill us in.

Hugs,
Jen