My IRN refuses to spend time with me...

[Caitrose96]

I have had my one year old IRN for a while now, but he refuses to stay with me for longer than a few seconds. He doesn't seem afraid but he just doesn't like me...
I was wondering if its okay to gently hold him and comfort in (sort of forcing him to spend time with me) I don't want to be cruel or anything but was just wondering if this would make bonding a little bit easier or would he just start to be scared of me?
My mum suggested i hold him in my arms close to my chest so he can feel my heart beat and talk to him in the dark for a while each night....does anyone think this is a good idea?
Suggestions please!!!
I used to have this wonderful cockatiel who loved me so much, i could take him outside and even go horseriding with him on my shoulder, i really want a relationship like this with my IRN (Neville) but i'm not sure if it is too late.
He had very minimal contact before he came here, so i'm hoping i can get around this.
I love my bird more than anything!! But he doesn't feel the same way

[MissK]

Hi. Perhaps your bird needs some incentive to be near you. Have you got good treats? Maybe you can teach him to do a little trick? While you are working with him, he would be interacting with you, nice for both. Search "tricks".

Also, I would not force the bird to do anything, unless it is the sneaky kind of thing, like "I'll force you to come on my finger by holding this nut where you can not get it any other way". In other words, unless the bird is/heading for in clear and present danger, always give him a choice.

-MissK

[Caitrose96]

He loves corn and i do use that as an incentive however he doesnt love it enough to stay with me. I have taught him how to wave and to turn around but i want to tame him now, not train him :/
Thanks for your feedback!

[InTheAir]

How long have you had him?
Does he seem scared or just disinterested?

[MissK]

Please explain a little more exactly what you want from him. I understood it that you want him to desire to remain physically close to you and that you have a relationship, and that he would stay on your shoulder despite a lot of distraction. Is that right?

I would think that training and increased positive contact would get that for you. I'd be uncomfortable for you to take him outside without at least a harness, though. Riding a horse with a bird on your shoulder is something I wouldn't want to see you do with your IRN at all.

[Jen&Bug]

Nice work MissK for refocusing on how the bird is behaving rather than how it might be feeling. We humans do tend to mix the two up, don't we? I did a similar thing with (new dog) Lulu at Puppy School yesterday ("She's not listening! She doesn't love me!") and got a stern reminder from the trainer that this had nothing to do with it, she just had no idea what I expected her to do. Come to think of it, the same probably applies for human relationships

Oh, and I agree about not taking your bird on your horse. Your cockatiel sounds like a lovely bird but I think it would be too much to expect from your IRN to be able to do this safely.